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But He Hit Me First!
2017-07-18

(This story comes from our staff at one of the Centres for Kids in Chengdu.  The centres serve children from migrant and low-income families.)

Twelve year-old Gene comes from a poor family.  His father works in the fire service department.  His mother works as a custodian for the city’s parks.  Gene regularly comes to one of the HOPE worldwide Centre for Kids in Chengdu.

Drama at 4:30

One day, Gene came to the centre at 4:30 as usual.  He was obviously very upset about something.


Our staff Yolanda called him into an empty classroom.


“What’s the matter?”  Yolanda asked.


Immediately Gene broke down in tears.  He was crying so hard that his whole body twitched and shook.


Yolanda waited for him to settle down, and then asked him again what had happened.

 

In between sobs, he told her that he had choked another boy’s neck at school until the boy bled.  Everybody blamed him for the incident and said that he was in big trouble with the teacher.

Who started it?

“The teacher is going to punish me.  But it’s not fair.  The other boy hit me first!”  Gene said.  He then showed her his bruise, still sobbing.


Gene believed that the teacher did not like him and would surely think that he was to blame.  Moreover, the other boy was bleeding from the fight.


Yolanda asked him what he thought he could do.  He said he didn’t know.

Seeking a solution

They then talked about what had happened, about who was responsible for what.  Gene knew that he had acted out of anger and that it was wrong to have hurt someone.


Yolanda suggested that he could take the initiative and tell the teacher about the incident.  He could also call the other boy and apologize.  He was willing but was afraid.  He was also fearful of the reaction from his father.  Yolanda offered to help him talk to his dad.


They then discussed about bullying, ways to protect himself and how best to handle situations like he had experienced that day.


Obviously feeling much calmer, Gene went back to his homework.

The resolution

The next day, Gene came bouncing into the centre.  He had talked to the teacher.  He had also apologised to the other boy.  He was happy that he didn’t get scolded.  In fact, the teacher said that the other boy had to bear some responsibility as well.


After the incident, we noticed that Gene would be the last child to leave the centre every day.  He started to help clean up the classroom, putting tables and chairs back in their proper places. 


We asked him why he didn’t go home as soon as he was finished with his homework.  He shrugged his shoulders and said he had nothing to do at home anyway. 


Before this incident, there would be days where he would rather stay home to play.  It seemed like Gene was grateful that we helped him resolve this incident and staying late to help was to show his gratitude.

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